Feeling Small

No, this isn't about losing weight, and it's pretty long.

A hot, prickly feeling of shame spread from the top of Harry's head all the way down his body. Dumbledore had not raised his voice, he did not even sound angry, but Harry would have preferred him to yell; this cold disappointment was worse than anything.
                       —Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, p. 428

I don't think I ever heard my High School Speech teacher, Janice Caldwell, raise her voice. She never had to. Mrs. Caldwell was one of those teachers whom everyone respected. In those days, it seemed that most of the students still cared what teachers thought of them. That was especially true regarding students and Mrs. Caldwell.

Mrs. Caldwell may not have ever yelled, but she certainly knew how to express her displeasure. Whenever a student behaved inappropriately, she would not berate or chastise. Instead, a hurt look would grow on her face, and she would say, "I'm very disappointed in you." The words were always the same. The reaction was usually the same, too.

My contact with Mrs. Caldwell began my Sophomore year. It was that year that I first competed in Speech tournaments. Mrs. Caldwell was also the Assistant Director for our competition One-Act play. Because of my course schedule, I was not able to fit Speech class in until my Senior year. It is a point of pride for me that I was the first person to obtain a grade of "A+" in Mrs. Caldwell's class. School generally came easy to me, but I made a little extra effort in Speech class. There's just something about Mrs. Caldwell that made students want to please her.

During that year, one of our units was Cross-Examination team Debate. The class was set up in an elimination tournament. Fifteen teams of two contended for classroom glory. The tournament was single-elimination (except for one of the first seven teams defeated; that team was randomly selected to compete in the first round again against the fifteenth team), so the pressure was immense. My partner, Kim Appleton, and I were paired up against Shelly Scarborough and Jennifer Raynes. They were the Affirmative. The topic being debated was:

Resolved: That the Federal Government should enact a comprehensive policy to protect the quality of water in the United States.

****At this point, you are either very impressed or very scared that I still remember that after almost twenty years.****

Shelly and Jennifer pulled out a plan to mandate Fluoridation of all public water supplies in the U.S. Now, Kim and I had all kinds of evidence about the water table, ground water, lakes, rivers, Superfund, and the like, but we had not card one about fluoride. I told Kim our only hope was to go after Topicality, which is an issue related to whether the plan really fits the stated topic.

The Judge, who was the school's Drama Teacher, voted for Kim and me on the Topicality issue. The team of Appleton and Scott were never seriously challenged in the next three Rounds and won the Tournament handily.

However, going back to the day of Round 1, at lunch that day I was up in Mrs. Caldwell's classroom. She told me that she thought the other team's plan was topical and that, in her opinion, we should have lost the round. I replied that we were caught completely by surprise, so we had to "BS our way through the Round." Mrs. Caldwell looked at me and asked if I knew the meaning of what I had just said. At that moment, if I could have hit a magic "Rewind" button, I would have, but it was too late. I told Mrs. Caldwell that yes, I knew what "BS" stood for, but I didn't really mean those words, which was at least consciously true.

Mrs. Caldwell gave me a brief lecture about choosing words carefully, especially as a Christian who desired to be a positive example for my classmates. I sat there and took my medicine hoping it would be over quickly. Mrs. Caldwell spoke again, quietly and calmly, "I'm very disappointed in you." Since the Rewind button was nowhere to be found, I started wishing for a hole in which to hide. It did not need to be a big hole either because I only felt about two inches tall.

After that, as further testament to Mrs. Caldwell's greatness, there was no lingering condemnation from her. She had expressed her displeasure and then moved on. I have communicated with Mrs. Caldwell occasionally over the years, but it's been a while since the last time. She was one of those great teachers who leaves a lasting impression, and I am a better person for having known her.

The Skeptical Glare

I often tell folks that I haven't always been a big guy. I tell them that until some point in college, I was downright skinny. Some believe me and make some token comment about aging and metabolism. Others, however, give me this look that I interpret as, "Yeah, right. Sure you were skinny, you big tub of lard."

Well, just to prove that I was once a skinny kid, here's a picture of me from Seventh Grade in my football uniform.



I mentioned my less than illustrious football career in a previous post, but I may recount a few other stories in the next few days.

All Kidding Aside

As I sit here listening to my High School alma mater's football game on the radio—You heard me right, the high school football game is broadcast live on the radio—it makes me think. Although I have turned into a pretty big guy (not tall), I was small, bordering on puny, when I was in High School. When I graduated in 1986, I was only 5'6" and weighed about 130 pounds. Since then, I've grown 4 inches in height and several in girth.

Anyway, I didn't have the build to be a football player. I tried. I played in 7th grade when I was 4'8" and 60 pounds. I even started in the secondary. I didn't like hitting people. Think Deion Sanders. However, I had a good excuse. Every time I hit someone, I got a splitting headache. Let me tell you the story. When we were supposed to go to the Field House for equipment check out, we got there a little late. When I approached the Coach to get my helmet, he took a look at my tiny frame and handed me a helmet sized 6 1/2.

Allow me to digress for a moment. I have a large head (some would say I also have a big head, but that's a whole other discussion). I currently wear a size 7 3/4 hat.

Back to 1980. The Coach gave me bigger helmets going up in 1/8 increments. When he got to 6 7/8, I was finally able to get it over my ears, but it was still way too tight. Coach told me that was the biggest helmet he had left, so I had no choice. The bottom line is that I played an entire season with a helmet that was 2 or 3 sizes too small. It gave me a headache just to wear it. Hitting someone made the pain just about unbearable.

My only claim to fame in my football career is that in our intra-squad Red-White game, I tackled the Quarterback. That Quarterback was none other than Jamie Foxx (that wasn't his name back then). I don't remember speaking to Jamie since we graduated from High School. He missed out 10-year reunion because he was shooting a movie. Maybe he'll make it back for the 20-year.

When I figured out that athletics wasn't going to be my thing, I turned my focus to band and drama. Theatre is still one of the most important things in my life. I've been in 20 plays and musicals ranging from Macbeth to The Odd Couple and Sound of Music to Little Shop of Horrors. That last one was the show I just closed recently. I was the voice of the plant, Audrey II. After one performance, an audience member told me she was surprised to discover I wasn't black. I had tried to do the voice as a combination of Elvis and Barry White. I guess I pulled it off fairly well.

Over the years, theatre has provided a much needed creative outlet and emotional release for me. It's exhilirating to step out in front of an audience and just let the character take over. I'm sure I'll have more to say on here about my theatre experince as this blog grows. I'm not sure when I'll be able to do another show because of the part-time teaching I'm doing now.